Mr Squid. 'Nuff Said.

OK, for every great food idea Japan comes up with (like Vermont Curry), they also dream up one that is, well, not so great. Witness then "Mr Squid"-brand baked squid snacks. Made in Thailand for export to Japan and apparently for the Japanese palate. Or lack thereof. The things taste undeniably awful. Stale and somewhat rubbery, it doesn't even seem like it's a food source when you put it in your mouth. Bad. Like, really bad. Stunningly bad to almost being inedible. OK, you get the idea.

I should have known. Thailand. That explains it. The home of the fried egg flavored lollypop.

Praying at the Altar of St. Ronald

One more from Pattaya, Thailand - where Ronald McDonald is, apparently, an object of near-religious veneration. He's kind of like the St Joseph of hamburgers. Or the St Francis of fries.

No, actually, this is a statue outside a Micky D's in Thailand, with Ronald giving visitors a traditional Thai welcome greeting. Because nothing says "Welcome" in Southeast Asia like a life-sized fiberglass clown hawking fast food.

Would You Like Your Coke Grilled or Fried?

Grilled Coke? Fried Coke? OK -of course I realize there is a much simpler common-sense explanation for these signs. I just found these signs a bit, well, odd. Another sign from Pattaya, Thailand, where 'odd' abounds.

Gripe Water

I first ran across this stuff when I was living in Hong Kong. It's ostensibly kind of like a British Pepto-Bismal. It's clear and has a kind of licorice and peppermint flavor to it. It's supposed to settle babies tummies. I don't think it actually worked, from my experience. I tried it - at least it didn't taste too bad or kill me.

But I loved the name - "Gripe Water". To keep the gripes away, I suppose. Another one of those quaint British-isms I find so fascinating and/or amusing. Anyway, it reemerged during a trip to Thailand. I had long since disposed of my original bottle from Hong Kong, so I just had to snap a photo of it's reincarnation.

The Gods Love Fanta

Of course, everyone knows that! Strawberry Fanta is a favorite of gods and deities everywhere. Another view from the street in Pattaya, Thailand.

Light Reading in Pattaya!

So, you're kicking it back on the beach in Pattaya with your fried egg-flavored lollypop and your coffee-flavored Pepsi, and it hits you: "You know, the sun and sand is so idyllic and restful, I can't think of anything I'd like to do more than sit back on a lounge chair on the beach with a good book and allow all my troubles to just melt away."

But not just any book. A paperback. A Western. Yes - a tale of the Old West. Cowboys. Indians. Saloons. Gunfights. Sixshooters. Yeah!

Did I mention that it has to be written in Icelandic? Then "Saga Fra Texas" is the book for you!

That's one of the things I loved about Thailand. You never knew what you were going to find in some small shop, or a hotel bookshelf, or a street vendor. My other great book find in Pattaya -on the 'read and share" shelf of a small, private hotel (where you drop your book for other travellers after you've finished reading it) - a brand-new French cookbook specializing in recipes using liquour (like Grand Marnier). Great cookbook - but who humped it all the way from France on their vacation, only to abandon it unread for me to find? I dunno, but if I could I'd thank them anyway.

The. Worst. Candy. Idea. Ever.

This one - yes, another wonderful find from Thailand - is, without doubt, the worst candy flavor idea ever thought up. "Hmmm. I have a bit of a sweet tooth. How about a sweet and tasty lollypop (or, sucker, depending on what part of the country you're from)? Cherry? Grape? Strawberry, perhaps?"

No - Fried Egg. WTF? Fried egg flavored candy? How the hell did they think that one up? Can you think of any taste combination even remotely less disgusting?

On the other hand, you can always wash it down with a nice cold can of coffee-flavored Pepsi.

Bad Marketing Ideas #1 - Coffee Flavored Pepsi

When I saw this this in Thailand, I just about choked. Coffee-flavored Pepsi? What the hell were they thinking? Imagine the guys sitting around the product development department at Pepsi: "Hmm, we need to come up with a new flavor. Pepsi Clear bombed. Pepsi with Lime tastes horrible. Lemon-flavored Pepsi tasted slightly like battery acid. Hmm. What other horrible taste could we add. Hey- coffee!".

"But just to be safe, we'll only sell it in Thailand. Brilliant."

And, for the record, it does taste just as bad as it sounds. Kinda like caffeinated, sugary motor oil.

Oh, Which One To Choose?

I saw these two t-shirts in a small shop in Pattaya, Thailand. OK, so I'm thinking, of course, who wouldn't want a Ghandi t-shirt? But, damn - that 50 Cent one is a real draw as well. Man, this is tough. Can I get them both?